Not going well

Got this msg this morning

I am going to call and cancel the appt on Friday. I don't see any
point in going.
I know in my heart that our relationship is over. I am sorry that I
led you on the past few nights but I can't recover from the years of
lies. YEARS of lies! This is not why I got married. It isn't supposed
to hurt this bad.
I hope you had a good time looking at your all-important pictures.

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just got off the phone.. still very upset.. wants to end? wants.. doesn't know what she wants!
And it is as if I am not allowed to have any feelings in this, because I lied.. any thing I say, the response is "YEARS of lies!".. I was not happy before any of this happend.. and while I don't see the IP and my feeling related maybe they were... I dont know.. I do know I was very unhappy before.. and so was she.. and I don't think the cause of all this unhappiness was simply me looking at websites??

Weekened

Friday got my car back, so that was good.. Amy still hurt... can see it in her eyes and mood (somber). Went to homecoming parade in rain. In eve talked and loved. Sat it rained, no soccer. Amy went to wk (parking) and we met for lunch w/ kids. In the eve we went out for a bit shopping, then got takeout from Outback. Eve kept getting worse as she thought about it.. Hit rock bottom at one point, but then recovered at bit and we loved. Sunday didn't go well, she is still hurt and wants to stop. She is searching my computer, almost looking for something to be angry about.. she is having a hard time letting go of this. I am SO tired.. have been up late every night, and up early most mornings.. just running on nothing.. layed down about 7 last night while kids watching movie... That lasted about an hour.. wife was looking at sites again and getting upset.. she wants to quit school, not have surgery... just a mess. She went to bed early, and I laid down at 9.45. Today is another day, but the outlook is gloomy

A new beginning

Last night we talked for hours
She asked me to sleep with her.
Then she asked me to make love to her.. This surprised both of us.
It was wonderful.. several times.
It doesn't fix anything.. but it does show that we both love and care for each other.
So I think this is a new chapter in our lives.
And I hope this chapter is much better than the previous.